FATHERHOOD IS

Fatherhood is a lot fucking more than I bargained for
Fatherhood is a brutal tag team match, a vicious game of hot potato
     that lasts at least 18 years, but more likely the rest of my life
Fatherhood is humbling, leaves me awed, makes me tremble
     at the strength and majesty of any human strong enough
     to be a single mother, single father, or wear the heavy
     mantle of primary caregiver, capital P, capital C

Fatherhood is the servant of Motherhood
     of toiling for money that becomes food, that becomes milk
     that becomes burbs, soiled diapers, round cheeks, smiles and moments of peace
Fatherhood is fumbling and clumsy, looking in my wife's eyes as I hold
     our daughter, jealous at the ease with which she can create those toothless smiles
Fatherhood takes the biological imperative that places the center of a man's
     universe inside of his pants, and transforms some of that energy into
     a sense of guardianship, love and gratitude for one's family
Fatherhood reveals the secret that the pussy and womb are
     infinitely stronger than a cock and balls ever could be

Fatherhood holds a baby when she is a newborn
     and is startled by the love that comes back from that child
     the bond and energy that is instinctual, that gives me strength
     to do whatever it takes to feed, clothe, shelter, play and love her back
Fatherhood is much simpler when I'm in a good place, when my
     heart leads me some place worth going, when I can follow
     my gut, shed distractions, and focus for a minute
Fatherhood is holding Gaia close to me in a
     navy blue wrap, walking beneath the shade of trees
     on Southern Parkway for my exercise, my sanity
     and so that she feels safe, not bored

Fatherhood is a stack of bills and calculations
     the claws of capitalism that rip me from m home so I
     can sweat for our bread, putting together sums that
     don't add up the way I need them to
Fatherhood is deciding how far I want to bend
     my conscience, which corporation I might
     suck it up and take it on the chin for just to pay my bills
Fatherhood is learning that a conscience is a privilege
     realizing it may only be a matter of choosing which
     machine to be a part of

Fatherhood is the blind optimism that I can
     craft a better beginning to her life than the
     one her mother and I had
Fatherhood reminds me that this world has always
     had its share of bad in it, from the top
     to the bottom, but that we can create our own
     pockets of warmth and love
Fatherhood is a job I do, a state of being I inhabit
     for my daughter, for my wife, and for myself
     so that in spite of the ugly cacophony
     at least a few more steady beats can pound out